“Trigger” warning if you don’t like sadposting with a dash of death wish. Just don’t read it.
I’ve only been EHS for 2 years and dont know how some people have survived through a decade or more with it. I was forced out of my home, forced out of my country. In the developing country where I live now, behind the curve of the most modern technologies, I still struggle to find a single apartment where it is safe to live. I’ve been through three apartments in my new country – first was extortionately priced compared to the market, the latter two I found unbearable due to noise levels in the neighborhood among other things. I do not ever get a quality night’s sleep during the night. I had planned to move back in to the expensive house TODAY. I found out it has changed.
Both my electrosmog meter and my head/face (an electrosmog meter in their own right) detected a difference. There may be a new WiFi device in a neighboring household. I had temporary hope, thinking moving back into this place would finally grant me the peace I needed, even if it would cost more. Now I am almost certain that is a bust and I am stuck living in a moldy apartment with almost no furniture, sleeping near a window next to loud neighbors, chickens, and a mosque that blasts me every morning with a five to ten minute prayer call at 5.30am or so. There’s nowhere I can go in my tiny apartment where the bombardment of noises does not penetrate. I cant leave the windows open because it gets too loud. When I leave them closed it gets hot and humid. I have no hot water, no refrigerator, no climate control, and I have chronic fatigue so I can not keep up with the cleaning in order to fight the mold.
Every day I am filled with rage, grief, and despair, due to the sleep deprivation and psychological torture of my living conditions. There’s nothing I want more right now than to die. Thoughts flicker through my mind such as, “I better learn how to tie a noose in case one day I really can’t go on.” If there was a planned mass suicide for EHS’s coming to a city near me, I would jump on the next train to take part in that shit! I swear, there are no redeeming qualities to my life anymore. My life was bad as it was, suffering depression and social anxiety for two decades before I got EHS. Apparently, it was mercury all along, causing the psychological problems and eventually causing EHS. And maybe mercury is even the reason why I’m so physically unattractive (I don’t like the word ugly, it sounds self hateful, which I am not) –
I have spinal deformity, a deformed rib cage, excessive body hair the grows in weird places, a lopsided skull, no muscle definition, etc. So I’ve always been the ugly lonely guy who can’t get a boyfriend and yeah my parents LOVE that I am gay – just kidding, it’s taboo to even talk about it with them. UGHHHH death just seems so utterly compassionate right now because life is torture, life is slavery, if I met someone exactly like me who said they wanted to die, I could not look at that person as though they were crazy and disrespect their wishes. I would validate that persons suffering and tell them they have EVERY RIGHT to feel that way.
Ed – 10/10 for honesty. Better out than in. Who knows what feedback he will get from his FB post. Who are we to judge.