By Phil Bolsta, Catalyst Editor, The Shift Network

Not long after reading Gerald Jampolsky’s observation that every person we meet is in need of love from us or offering love to us, I walked into my gym and saw Bill, who was doing standing calf raises with his back to me.

Impulsively, I wrapped my weight belt around his forehead as a goofy way of saying hello. He whipped around and, in so many words, most of which are unprintable, told me he would punch my face in if I ever did that again.

Instead of reacting on the same level of consciousness, I thought, Cool! Here’s my chance to see if this love stuff really works! I immediately began radiating love from my heart and bathing Bill in its healing glow. I also tried to apologize, but he turned away, muttering angrily.

I headed to the pull-up bar and began my workout. I dropped down from the bar just in time to see Bill striding purposefully toward me from the other side of the gym. “I mean it, Phil,” he fumed. “If you ever do that again, I’ll drag you out to the parking lot and pummel you.” With that, he spun around and stormed away.

This time I followed him, choosing to pump love instead of iron. “Bill,” I called out, catching up to him, “I’m very sorry. I had no idea you would be so upset. It won’t happen again.” I continued apologizing until he turned to face me. “My sister used to do stuff like that to me,” he sputtered. “And I hated it.”

Bingo. Bill’s outburst had nothing to do with me; I had inadvertently triggered a painful childhood memory. What happened in the next moment was astonishing: The heavy, dark cloud of negative energy that had engulfed him simply vanished. It was as if a magician had uttered “Abracadabra!” and instantaneously replaced a violent thunderstorm with sunny skies.

I tried to apologize one more time, but Bill cut me off. “Don’t worry about it,” he said calmly with a wave of his hand. “No big deal.” An hour later, we were both in the locker room, preparing to leave. “So long, Phil,” he called out. “Have a good day.”

Wow. If I had responded to Bill’s anger in kind, the confrontation may have escalated out of control. Even worse, from that day forward the tension would have been thick between us, and my enjoyment of going to the gym every morning would have been tinged with dread.

Instead, love healed our conflict, it healed our relationship, and it may have even healed the pain Bill had been carrying around since childhood. That was the day I stopped looking at love as a choice, and embraced it as a way of life.